Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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