I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
