I should be sponsored by Trojan
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
