Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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