i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
