take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
