don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
