i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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