its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
