don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The Olympian is in my bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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