If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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