she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
