how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
