You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
