I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
