Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
