You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
