I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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