At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
