I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
