My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
