so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
