he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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