She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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