I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
