i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
