I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
