I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
