I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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