I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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