Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
