You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
