he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
