No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You pole danced in your parka.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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