I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
