make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
