Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
