1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
