someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
