He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
