he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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