I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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