I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
