im drinking this country out of the recession.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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