seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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