hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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