she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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