Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
