it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
