the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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