My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
