I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
