I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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