We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am available for nakedness
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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