it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
