I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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