There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
