Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
